Struggling Emotionally During Pregnancy, Birth or After Baby? Trauma Support in The Lothians

We don’t talk about this enough, but birth isn’t always the joyful, Instagram-filtered event we’re led to expect.

For many parents, birth leaves behind powerful, complicated feelings. Even if everything looked fine on paper. Even if the baby is healthy. Even if you’re smiling in the photos.

If you find yourself replaying the birth in your mind, struggling to make sense of it, or feeling a disconnect between what happened and how you thought you’d feel, you’re not alone. This is far more common than most people realise.

So, what is birth trauma – and how common is it?

Birth trauma refers to any experience of giving birth that leaves you feeling scared, helpless, or deeply distressed. Crucially, it’s defined by how you felt, not by what happened clinically.

According to the Birth Trauma Association, around

• 30% of women in the UK describe their birth as traumatic.

• Around 4–5% go on to develop postnatal PTSD 

• Partners can experience trauma too especially if they felt helpless, frightened, or excluded.

What’s striking is how silent this all remains. Many parents don’t realise their feelings “count” as trauma. They might not even have words for what they’re experiencing, just a sense that something feels off.

HOW I CAN SUPPORT YOU

Signs you might be carrying unresolved emotions from birth

Some parents feel their birth was “fine” but are still:

• Replaying certain moments over and over

• Feeling anxious, disconnected, or on edge

• Struggling to bond or switch off

• Experiencing flashbacks, nightmares, or panic

• Finding hospitals, medical conversations, or pregnancy triggers emotionally difficult

• Feeling a deep sense of disappointment, loss, or shame around how things unfolded

These responses can show up weeks, months or even years after birth. It’s not too late to get support and it’s not about “dwelling”. It’s about healing.

Why does this happen? The brain’s response to trauma

During birth, if we feel threatened, overwhelmed or powerless, our nervous system can enter survival mode - fight, flight, freeze or fawn. This affects how memories are stored. Instead of being filed away calmly, the brain can flag them as “unfinished danger” which is why certain sounds, words or smells can trigger emotional reactions long after the event.

The emotional cost of unmet expectations

Not all trauma is from dramatic emergencies. For some, the biggest pain comes from loss of control or loss of expectations.

You might have imagined a calm, supported birth and instead felt rushed, scared or alone. You might have hoped for a vaginal birth but needed an unplanned caesarean. You might have felt judged, or unheard, or like decisions were made to you rather than with you.

The gulf between what you hoped for and what happened matters. It’s grief, in its own way. And it’s OK to acknowledge that.

So how can you begin to feel better?

There’s no one-size-fits-all solution, but one approach that has helped many of my clients is a gentle, safe method called Three Step Rewind.

Three Step Rewind: A Gentle, Hypnosis-Based Approach for Emotional Recovery

Originally developed by midwives and perinatal therapists, Three Step Rewind uses deep relaxation (similar to hypnotherapy) to help your brain reprocess difficult memories. It’s simple, effective, and completely non-invasive.

Here’s how it works:

1. You share your story (as much or as little as you want), in a calm, respectful space.

2. I guide you into a deeply relaxed state, where we "watch" the memory safely from a distance like a film on a screen.

3. We then imagine the same experience, but with calm, control and emotional safety, helping your nervous system release the fear response it attached to the memory.

   
   

Research into similar NLP and relaxation-based methods suggests that this kind of rewiring can reduce flashbacks, anxiety and hyperarousal helping you feel more like you again.

Why parents choose this support

I’ve worked with parents who say:

“It’s given me space to feel excited about this pregnancy instead of terrified.”

And perhaps most importantly: “I didn’t realise how much space this was taking up in my head until I let it go.”

LET'S WORK TOGETHER

Other therapeutic tools to manage pregnancy, birth and postnatal trauma and anxiety

Alongside Three Step Rewind, there are other techniques that can be used to boost self-confidence and work with emotional triggers in a safe and calming way. There is not a one-size-fits-all programme, but finding solutions that will work for you.

You’re not broken. You don’t need fixing. You deserve support

I’m Joy, a university-qualified antenatal educator and perinatal therapist based in West Lothian. For 20 years I’ve been supporting parents across The Lothians, Edinburgh, Glasgow and further afield to navigate birth, feeding and early parenting, including the messy, emotional, very human parts.

Healing from the comfort of home

I offer anxiety and trauma support online from the comfort of your own home at a time that works for you. A safe space for all identities, families and birth experiences. There’s no judgement here just warm, honest support rooted in evidence and compassion.

You don’t have to keep carrying this alone

Whether your experience was last month or last year, you deserve space to heal, and if you’re pregnant again and feeling worried, let’s talk before that anxiety takes root.

🟡 Book a free 15-minute call – no pressure, no obligation

🟡 Read more about my trauma and anxiety sessions

🟡 Join an in-person antenatal course

🟡 Follow along on Instagram for more honest parenting chat

References

• Ayers, S., et al. (2016). Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder after Childbirth: Analysis of Prevalence and Risk. Psychological Medicine.

• NHS England (2023). Specialist Perinatal Mental Health Services – Service Model.

• Leadsom, A., et al. (2014). The 1001 Critical Days: The Importance of the Conception to Age Two Period.

• Slade, P. (2006). Towards a conceptual framework for understanding post‐traumatic stress symptoms following childbirth. Journal of Reproductive and Infant Psychology.

• Etheridge, J., & Slade, P. (2017). Nothing’s actually happened to me: The experiences of fathers who found childbirth traumatic. BMC Pregnancy and Childbirth.

• Kennerley, H. et al. (2014). An Introduction to CBT: Skills and Applications. Oxford University Press.