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Congratulations, Dad-to-Be!
So, your partner is pregnant—congratulations! As the initial excitement settles after sharing the news, you might notice a lack of focus on you and your feelings about becoming a father. How many people have checked in to see how you feel about fatherhood or your role in supporting your partner during labour?
You're Not a Spare Part
During pregnancy, the spotlight is naturally on the mum-to-be, but you're an essential part of this journey too. The arrival of a baby is a life-changing event for both of you. Supporting your partner through childbirth is challenging. You want to ensure she’s okay, and it’s natural to wish you could ease her discomfort or speed up the process. However, it’s easy to feel like an spare part, but nothing could be further from the truth.
Taking Care of Yourself
First and foremost, you can’t support someone else effectively if you’re not feeling your best. Bring your A-game to the birth room by packing a small bag with essentials for yourself. Consider including:
Toiletries
Snacks
Medication (if you take any)
Change for vending machines
Phone charger
Entertainment (some pain relief can make your partner sleepy)
Change of clothes
For winter babies, remember that labour rooms can be very warm. Pack a t-shirt or shorts to stay comfortable.
Supporting Your Partner
Once you’re set, focus on supporting your partner. Birth partners often handle logistics, but you can do much more. Help her find comfortable labour positions and offer massages, both of which can increase oxytocin and aid labour progression. Practice these skills beforehand so they feel natural when the time comes.
If a caesarean birth becomes necessary, you’ll likely be allowed to be there, providing crucial support. It’s okay to use your voice and ask the medical team questions, especially if your partner is unable to communicate effectively. The B.R.A.I.N. decision-making tool can help guide these conversations.
Becoming a Dad
When your baby is born, you become a father! Like your partner, you might have mixed emotions. While she’s had nine months of physical connection with the baby, you’re just beginning to build that bond. Some dads feel an immediate surge of love, while for others, it develops over time. Both reactions are completely normal.
Visitors will want to meet the newborn and will often ask about mum’s well-being. Don’t forget to share how you’re feeling too. You’ve witnessed something incredible, and your world has changed.
Learning Baby Care
Before my son was born, I had little experience with babies. I had to quickly learn how to change nappies, bathe, and comfort him, as well as understand his sleep and feeding patterns. It’s like starting a new job where everything is unfamiliar. Give yourself some grace—you’ll get the hang of it.
Preparing for Your Role
Antenatal classes aren’t just for mums. As a future birth partner and dad, you deserve the same preparation. If available, join a Dads2B course, similar to the ones I co-facilitated with a midwife. These courses provide a safe space to ask questions, voice concerns, and learn practical baby care skills. If no dad-specific course is available, A Birth Prep with Joy antenatal course can help both parents prepare together.
You’ve Got This!
If you need to discuss your mental health or anything related to this blog, feel free to reach out to PANDAS for support.
In Person Antenatal Courses, Linlithgow, West Lothian
Online Antenatal Workshops
MUM
Once your own comfort needs are met, start to think about how you can support mum. Birth partners are often in charge of logistics but there is much more you can do like helping mum physically by supporting her to adopt comfortable labour positions and offering a massage. Both of these can really help increase oxytocin (the key labour hormone) and help with the progression of labour. You can also work with mum to make sure her breathing stays calm and rhythmical with a bit of mirrored breathing.
Massage and experimenting with labour positions that feel comfortable are skills that get better with practice so the more you do antenatally, the more natural it is when labour arrives.
Often birth partners are worried about what happens if mum needs a caesarean birth. What happens to mum and what happens to them! This is something that we cover in an antenatal class. During a caesarean, it is most-likely possible for you to be there so that you can support mum whilst looking very suave in your hospital gear.
Remember it is ok for you to use your voice and ask your midwife and other members of your care team questions. There may be times when mum is unable to converse as well as normal so knowing someone in the room 'has her back' and can advocate is a great idea. NHS Lothian is advocating using the B.R.A.I.N. decision making tool at the moment and you may see posters on labour ward and stickers on mum's maternity notes. This isn't just for mum, you can ask questions too.
Whatever road your birth takes, hospitals work to their protocols but your partner is a unique individual. Sometimes just being confident enough to discus options with your care team means that your care can be tailored more to your needs.
BECOMING A DAD
Then your baby is born and you are now a father! Just like mum, you may experience mixed emotions around this. Mum has had 9 months physical connection with your baby where as finally you can feel them too. Sometime the feelings of love hit you like proper 'thunderbolt city' where as for others the feelings of love and closeness develop over time. This is completely normal.
People want to come and visit to meet your newborn. They may ask how mum is after the birth, but what about you? You have just witnessed something incredible. You are now dad and your entire world has changed. Make sure people ask how you are too!
What about baby care? Before I had my son, I could count on 2 fingers the amount of interaction I had ever had with a baby and initially I was on a massive learning curve: how to change a nappy, bath a baby, comfort a baby, understand how babies sleep and feed. It was literally like starting a new job where I knew nobody's name, how they liked their coffee or where the photocopier was.
Cut yourself a bit of slack, you will get there! Your son or daughter won't remember if you put on a nappy that leaked or you dressed your baby and missed a couple of poppers. Save that guilt for when your toddler starts repeating your swear words or catches you trying to eat chocolate biscuits in secret in the kitchen.
So, how can you prepare for becoming a birth partner and new dad. Did you know that
antenatal classes are not just for mum-to-be. If you are going to be a birth partner and dad then it is only right that you are offered the same preparation opportunities as mum. Becoming a dad is a big deal.
If you are lucky, you might be offered a place on a Dads2B course, similar to ones I used to co-facilitate with the midwife at St Johns Hospital. These are safe-spaces where you can ask questions and voice any concerns that you specifically have and can learn practical baby-care skills too. If you don't have a dad's antenatal course near you then why not check out my website and see if I can help you.
My antenatal courses are designed with both parents in mind and because you have continuous support from me after the course has finished, if there is anything you wish to discuss privately, then get in touch. I want to make sure everything I do is as relevant for you as it is for mum.
If you know that you cannot make all the session (I know life gets in the way sometimes) then I can offer 1:1 support if you have questions about what you missed and you will have access to handouts and resources to supplement everything we cover.
Here is what S had to say about one of my courses. He was birth partner to H who went on to have a wonderful birth at the Birth Centre in Edinburgh:
"Brilliant working with Joy! Absolutely top. Felt at ease throughout the training and all questions answered. Definitely recommend for any preparation prior to giving birth, or supporting someone giving birth."
Guys, you have got this!
If you would like to talk to / email / WhatsApp in confidence someone to discuss your mental health surrounding anything in this blog then please check out: PANDAS
IN PERSON ANTENATAL COURSES
LIVINGSTON, WEST LOTHIAN
ONLINE ANTENATAL WORKSHOPS
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