Congratulations, Dad-to-Be!
So, your partner is pregnant—congratulations! As the initial excitement settles after sharing the news, you might notice a lack of focus on you and your feelings about becoming a father. How many people have checked in to see how you feel about fatherhood or your role in supporting your partner during labour?
You're Not a Spare Part
During pregnancy, the spotlight is naturally on the mum-to-be, but you're an essential part of this journey too. The arrival of a baby is a life-changing event for both of you. Supporting your partner through childbirth is challenging. You want to ensure she’s okay, and it’s natural to wish you could ease her discomfort or speed up the process. However, it’s easy to feel like an spare part, but nothing could be further from the truth.
Taking Care of Yourself
First and foremost, you can’t support someone else effectively if you’re not feeling your best. Bring your A-game to the birth room by packing a small bag with essentials for yourself. Consider including:
Toiletries
Snacks
Medication (if you take any)
Change for vending machines
Phone charger
Entertainment (some pain relief can make your partner sleepy)
Change of clothes
For winter babies, remember that labour rooms can be very warm. Pack a t-shirt or shorts to stay comfortable.
Once you’re set, focus on supporting your partner. Birth partners often handle logistics, but you can do much more. Help her find comfortable labour positions and offer massages, both of which can increase oxytocin and aid labour progression. Practice these skills beforehand so they feel natural when the time comes.
If a caesarean birth becomes necessary, you’ll likely be allowed to be there, providing crucial support. It’s okay to use your voice and ask the medical team questions, especially if your partner is unable to communicate effectively. The B.R.A.I.N. decision-making tool can help guide these conversations.
When your baby is born, you become a father! Like your partner, you might have mixed emotions. While she’s had nine months of physical connection with the baby, you’re just beginning to build that bond. Some dads feel an immediate surge of love, while for others, it develops over time. Both reactions are completely normal.
Visitors will want to meet the newborn and will often ask about mum’s well-being. Don’t forget to share how you’re feeling too. You’ve witnessed something incredible, and your world has changed.
Learning Baby Care
Before my son was born, I had little experience with babies. I had to quickly learn how to change nappies, bathe, and comfort him, as well as understand his sleep and feeding patterns. It’s like starting a new job where everything is unfamiliar. Give yourself some grace—you’ll get the hang of it.
Preparing for Your Role
Antenatal classes aren’t just for mums. As a future birth partner and dad, you deserve the same preparation. If available, join a Dads2B course, similar to the ones I co-facilitated with a midwife. These courses provide a safe space to ask questions, voice concerns, and learn practical baby care skills. If no dad-specific course is available, A Birth Prep with Joy antenatal course can help both parents prepare together.
Here is what S had to say about one of my courses. He was birth partner to H who went on to have a wonderful birth at the Birth Centre in Edinburgh:
"Brilliant working with Joy! Absolutely top. Felt at ease throughout the training and all questions answered. Definitely recommend for any preparation prior to giving birth, or supporting someone giving birth."
You’ve Got This!
If you need to discuss your mental health or anything related to this blog, feel free to reach out to PANDAS for support.
In Person Antenatal Courses, Linlithgow, West Lothian
Online Antenatal Workshops
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